Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
