Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
