just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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