We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
