this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
