apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
