My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
