got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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