get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
