Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
