I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
