she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
