ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
