i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
