i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
