and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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