oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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