i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
