We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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