Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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