They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize