it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
