I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
