Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
