Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
