ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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