Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
