Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
