Pants 0. Shit 1.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
