How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
they need to just BURY HIM!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
