Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
