i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
