if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
