i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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