It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
