Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
