I think I am morally bankrupt
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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