No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
