no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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