I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
