Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
