Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize