Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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