This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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