A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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