hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
