I am puke
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
