Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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