If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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