I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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