i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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