Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
