I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
