I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
