I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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