I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
