i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
