Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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