after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
