so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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