I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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