Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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