you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
