Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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