Nicole vs. Life
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
