Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize