I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
