just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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