there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
