Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
