She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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