my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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