I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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