I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
