Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize