I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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