I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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