She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize