Plan B is the new Plan A
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
